“Hi, it’s…”

I admitted to having a stealthy stammer* a while ago. It has been behaving relatively well for the last few months, but on Friday evening I had to call a plumber about a leak and I got stuck on my own name.  He had missed my initial call and then called back and asked who I was. People on the Internet are in love with sharing awkward moments that aren’t really all that awkward. That awkward moment when you can’t say your own name over the phone… that’s an actual, legitimate awkward moment. It was the first time in my life that I’ve ever had a problem with “L” and it gave me such a shock that I panicked and stammered horribly throughout the rest of the call, getting stuck on every second or third word, extending random syllables, scrambling to find alternative words, and flapping around like a fish out of water during the awkward, extended pauses.

I hope that this won’t become a recurring issue, because if that does happen, any potential future job interviews are going to be very weird for the person interviewing me. I don’t want to have to announce my stammer before I start; I’ve never had to do that before, because it’s never been severe enough or consistent enough, but if it’s ever as bad as it was during that phone call, I’ll have to. There’s no way anyone would employ me without understanding why I can’t answer basic questions because of the particular sounds involved in the necessary vocabulary. I still almost never talk about or admit to this problem in person, even with people who know about it. I find it really embarrassing and I don’t like to bring it up. Most of the people who know about it won’t ever hear it at its worst anyway, because they don’t make me nervous and so it doesn’t happen much when I’m with them.

So. That happened. Not a major event, but I felt the need to write it out. It’s been lingering around my head all weekend. Apart from this, my weekend was pretty amazing. I’ll write another post about that.

* I initially referred to it as a “stutter”, but in a subsequent post, I decided that “stammer” was a more appropriate term.

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